As g33kWatch’s fearless leader, Joey “Charismatic Guy” Valenti is the living, walking, breathing, and pooping definition of cool. Joey V is like what you’d get if you combined the Fonz, Han Solo and Captain Planet, multiplied them by Samuel L. Jackson, and sprinkled Commander Shepard on top.
Under Joey’s leadership, g33kWatch has achieved some pretty amazing things: organizing many successful gaming marathons, raising over $47,000 for Child’s Play Charity, and making the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs. As a result, the g33kWatch crew is fiercely loyal to him, and all of us think of him like a brother. Well, except for Katie. That’d be gross.
aka Mrs. Charismatic Guy
aka Cupcake Mistress
Recently returned from her “Days of the Week” tour with Rebecca Black, Katie’s musical gifts make her the natural choice for g33kwatch’s in-house choreographer. Tasked with the responsibility of crafting beautifully-choreographed dance numbers, and then watching in horror as her efforts are wasted on the rhythmically ungifted g33kWatch dance troupe, Katie is the living embodiment of patience, dedication and tolerance for those who are mentally challenged. It is for this reason that everyone loves Katie the best. Also, because she makes us ziti.
aka The Palmtree
Class. Charm. Sophistication. Meticulously-curated facial hair. These are the traits that define g33kWatch’s Mike Campbell. The closest thing we have to a professional actor, Mikey’s talent have been put to hilariously ill use in g33kWatch’s various dramatic endeavors, including last year’s performance of Elcor Hamlet. If ever you’re looking for a man who can charm the ladies, recite Weird Al’s “Albuquerque” from memory, or lose to Jess in Smash Brothers consistently, Mikey’s your man.
aka Young Machengo
Well-known across the galaxy for her artistic abilities and willingness to help others, Ali is perhaps the kindest and most beloved member of the g33kwatch family. As such, you’d probably never guess that she lives a secret double life as a popular Mexican wrestler known as “The Young Machengo.” Ali has spent decades cultivating a rabidly devoted fan base that will obey her every command without question. So, as sweet as she may seem on the outside, always remember that crossing her could put you at the mercy of thousands of angry Mexicans.
Yogi has long been known as “Lord Goatee,” but few people know the true origin of this nickname. While most believe he acquired the name during Mass Effect Marathon, the truth is that he earned this title in a fiercely competitive facial hair competition back in 1981. His was a surprise victory, as German reigning champion Hans Van Schnurrbart was highly favored as a winner. While Van Schnurrbart’s facial hair scored well in the “Grooming” category, Yogi’s extraordinary score in the “Overall Attractiveness” category earned him the trophy—and, along with it, the esteemed title of “Lord Goatee.” The competition was discontinued after that year due to the intense rioting that erupted in the streets following Yogi’s win. As a result, Yogi has been able to hold on to his title, unchallenged, for over 3 decades.
aka Bed Intruder
Jess is a vital part of the g33kWatch team because she is capable of so much. She can sing, dance, slice, dice, but wait there’s more! She is also capable of eating the grossest things on the planet, operating a slap chop, climbing in your windows to snatch your people up, find your princess that is in another castle, beat Space Channel 5 blindfolded, listen to Nyan Cat for 10 hours straight, throw a sonic boom in real life, make fried chicken, beat Mike Haggar in an arm wrestling match, cross-up Lebron James, and is even a bad enough dude to save the President. She is however allergic to cats.
We could tell you even more things, but this website doesn’t haven’t enough bandwidth to support it.
aka Space Ke$ha
Chelsea joined up with our group during Mass Effect Marathon 3 and we couldn’t be happier to have her on board. We showed her just how much she meant to us by putting her through the absolute ringer and made her do some very embarrassing things. She has had inflatable dinosaurs attack her, worn more silly hats that one can even imagine, been forced to play without her glasses, and had to play an entire level while only using the XBOX Kinect. That last one seems particularly cruel in hindsight.
Despite all of that, Chelsea continues to help us out during the marathon and we are forever thankful for it. She’s one of the best out there, and we just know that you’ll feel the same.
aka Big Weiner Guy
Corey aka Big Wiener Guy is our house “funny man”. Corey is always ready with a joke to entertain the stream and the other members of the g33kWatch crew. One of Corey’s favorite things in life is the Muppets. In fact, in 1986 he succeeded in fulfilling his lifelong dream of being on set with the Muppets and even got to be the stand in for David Bowie in “The Labyrinth” hence the nickname. Corey is currently traveling with last year’s football champs The Frumpy Hippos.
Dan is the epitome of the strong and silent type. He is the fantastic model builder who created some of our best auction items! Dan’s attention to detail and dedication to the project make him and extremely vital member of g33kwatch. As the significant other of the illusive Pink Hair girl he has a flair for danger. As a possible (non-confirmed) CIA operative Dan is sneaky and cunning. Spending most weeks away on “business” it is rumored that Dan may actually be the most interesting man in the world.
aka Pink Hair Girl
Liv aka Pink Hair Girl is our resident crafter and the most mysterious of the g33kwatch crew. Most well known for her jewelry creation as well as her famous advice column one would never guess that she gained these skills while on the run. As a former Las Vegas showgirl turned animal activist she is biding her time with the g33kwatch crew, watching and waiting for the right time to rise up against her oppressors. She hides in plain sight as Pink Hair Girl, never revealing her true identity. In fact if you knew anything more about Pink Hair Girl you might be in serious danger! She also likes cupcakes and unicorns
Brendan is quite the character. He is very good at video games, and enjoys to play some of the worst games every made. Also, you know those movies that get major releases that have an average Rotten Tomatoes score of 10%? Odds are that Brendan has seen every single one of those movies. Anyone can go see good movies, or play quality games, but it takes a certain someone to enjoy seeing absolute garbage and finding joy in it.
Brendan is always there to help us get through a tough part of a game, to offer an interesting tidbit, and to make us laugh. He’s a good one that Brendan.
Chris “the Gunshow” Campbell’s primary function at g33kwatch is to be as sexy as possible, as often as possible—a responsibility he takes very seriously. But it might surprise you to know that The Gunshow was not always a big, hot hunk of manly man. Once a scrawny nerd like the rest of us, Chris elected to submit his old, weakling body to science for genetic experimentation. The result was a newer, buffer body for Chris, and henceforth scientists referred to him as the Genetically Unmatched Neo-Specimen (G.U.N.S.). With his new physique, The Gunshow traveled the world, entertaining American soldiers and roughing up Nazis. Actually, I think I might be thinking of Captain America. Either way, the point is, don’t mess with The Gunshow. Especially if you’re a Nazi.
Back in the 1970s, when disco was really heating up, MZ was there. It was during those sweltering dancing days that MZ started up a vigilante group that went by the name of “Hombres of Napoleon Sanchez, Subsect of the Followers of McBlah”. Their mission was to grow the greatest set of facial hair that the world had ever seen. They were close to many sponsorship deals but alas, the name of the group was far too long to say correctly each and every time, and the needed sponsorship funds went Frank Lupo who then made The A-Team TV series. So yes, MZ invented The A-Team. You’re welcome.